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Last night when I cried…

Last night when I cried, I sat myself down in front of the Buddha statue and asked him why I could laugh and cry at the same time. He teaches that there’s life there’s sorrow along with happiness. I asked him, what if I chose only ‘happiness’ and strayed away from ‘sadness’. He couldn’t give me any answer because all I knew from that time was he could not talk.

I wondered about Buddha’s life before he was enlightened as a god. He had a wonderful wife and a lovely son, but why did he still want to leave? Could I do like him, giving up everything for peace? Could I give up everything that is mine now for a quiet planet or what we call “Nirvana”? How many people could do like him? Does Buddha exist? I want to ask him why he left his family and how he could do it. All I want to do is escape all these worldly things.

I do not want to cry nor laugh since I know after I laugh, I will cry or after I cry, I will laugh again. I am bored with this simply the simplest or most common known to all the people. The question is how can I be so bored of ‘boredom’? And, I am bored of my emotions too. I want to dry them up so I will not feel anything. When I do not feel, I will not react in a bad way people do not want. When I do not feel, I will do things that upset people too.

3 thoughts on “Last night when I cried…

  1. Well, you’re not feeling too good, are you?
    Feeling and expressing feelings is essential for the human species.
    We are a social animal and communicate through emotions. However much they can hurt, they help us get through life; after all, ask yourself what the meaning of life is and I think the most logical answer (putting religion aside) is to survive.
    Do you think leaving your current life and seeking (spiritual) enlightenment will do you and your surroundings any good?
    Sacrifice doesn’t prove and sometimes doesn’t achieve anything.
    If this is about you wanting to be better or more good then know this: you are already doing your bit; you are writing, and you are spreading your positive energy. You care about others and others care about you!
    Also, do you question Buddhas existence?
    Sweety, I hope you just had a bad day and that it all will pass.
    Life feels hopeless sometimes and most people can relate to the desire to “run away” from it all or stop feeling. But over a long period of time it would be unhealthy to think that way…it goes against our survival instinct.

    Hope I didn’t misinterpret your post =P

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